How to Hold “Conflicting Feelings”
Have you ever felt excited about a new job opportunity but also anxious about the changes it will bring? Or felt love for a close friend while simultaneously feeling jealousy over their recent success? These seemingly contradictory emotions can be confusing and overwhelming. However, experiencing conflicting feelings is actually a normal part of being human.
Imagine your emotions as a balance scale. On one side, you have feelings like joy, excitement, and love. On the other, you might have sadness, fear, or anger. Just as a balance scale can tip back and forth without necessarily favoring one side permanently, your emotions can coexist and fluctuate without needing to cancel each other out.
Having conflicting feelings doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Instead, it indicates the complexity of your emotional landscape. Here are some examples to illustrate this:
"Part of me is thrilled about starting this new job because it's a great career move. Another part of me is scared because I worry about adapting to a new environment and meeting new people."
"Part of me loves spending time with my family, but another part of me feels frustrated because I sometimes need space to recharge."
"Part of me is proud of my recent accomplishments, yet another part of me feels guilty for not spending enough time with my loved ones."
Rather than trying to eliminate one set of feelings to make way for the other, it's more productive to embrace the complexity of your emotional experience. Here are some strategies to help you acknowledge and cope with conflicting feelings:
Practice self-compassion by being gentle with yourself. Understand that it's okay to feel multiple emotions simultaneously. Recognize that these feelings are valid and part of your human experience.
Take a step back and observe your feelings without judgment. Acknowledge each emotion as it arises. For example, say to yourself, "I notice that part of me feels happy about this achievement, while another part feels anxious about future expectations."
Writing about your feelings can provide clarity and insight. Use a journal to explore and articulate both sides of your emotional experience. For instance, "Today, I felt proud of my presentation, but I also felt nervous about the feedback. Both feelings are real and deserve attention."
Engage in an internal dialogue with the different parts of yourself. For example, you might say, "I understand that part of me is excited about this new chapter, and I also hear the part of me that's afraid of change. Let's find a way to navigate this together."
Therapy is also a great place to process emotions that feel like they are in conflict with each other.
Remember, it's not about choosing one feeling over the other or trying to suppress certain emotions. It's about finding a way to hold space for all your feelings and understanding that they can coexist. Just as a balance scale can maintain equilibrium by holding different weights, you can find emotional balance by accepting and acknowledging your conflicting feelings.
“Experiencing conflicting feelings is actually a normal part of being human.”
Embracing the full spectrum of your emotions allows for a richer, more authentic experience of life. So, the next time you find yourself feeling two seemingly opposing emotions, remember that it's perfectly normal. Allow yourself to feel each emotion fully, and trust that you have the inner strength to hold them both.
By recognizing and honoring all parts of yourself, you create a space where conflicting feelings can coexist peacefully, leading to greater self-awareness and emotional resilience.
